Well, we started this journey as a nine month adventure and a way to kiss our 30's goodbye, but as you can see, time chases you like a Pac Man ghost until it swallows you whole, and then all you've left to show for it is a mediocre score.
Well, Julie has launched into her 40's with grace and style, and I've been rolling around on the floor throwing a tantrum that my 30's are coming to an end, and we accomplished about three things on our baby list. Now, the mid-life crisis is about to be born, and still, I feel like throwing a tantrum like a big fat baby.
As I sit here on this night, the last night of my 30’s, I
feel as though there is something I should be out doing. Some crazy task that I haven’t yet
accomplished yet so that I can say, “On the last night of my 30’s, I did _______”
Well, the reality is that my family is out trying to choose
something to give me tomorrow (what do you give someone who is turning 40
anyway?) and I’m sitting here with you typing my thoughts onto a blank piece of
electronic paper so that I can once again paste the inner workings of my soul
for the universe to see…and not doing anything epic.
While soul searching for what to say, I stumbled upon the
idea that if my 30’s were a person, what would I say to it? Well, hold onto your boot straps, because
here it is:
Dear 30’s,
If I was your friend, I would be the worst friend in the
history of all friends. The Hatfields
and the McCoys would look like the most kindred spirits in the entire universe
compared to the type of friend I was, and for that I apologize. Instead of embracing you for what you were,
quite possibly the best years of my life, I ignored you. I pretended you were invisible until you were
8-years-old.
Sure, I thought I was being silly. I did the trendy tongue-in-cheek thing when
you were born and pretended you were never invented. It was all in fun right? Stay 29 forever and never lose those years? As if no one would notice the crow’s feet crevices
at the very corner of my eyes, a preview of what’s to come?
The problem was I did lose those years. I lost 8 of them as a fraud, only half
kidding about not wanting to face them.
I never got the chance to live up to what they should have been. If you were a human, you would have never
spoken to me again. Now I’m standing at
your death bed watching you expire, and I am filled with the regret that I didn’t
love you like I should have.
I have a long list of unfinished business. Things I was supposed to do before you
died! Things I was supposed to share
with you! Now it’s too late, and you
will never see any of them. I’m so sorry
30’s. You deserved better.
Sincerely,
Your idiot human
And then I sit…staring at the blinking cursor wondering how
stupid it was that I actually just wrote that…and at the same time, I feel
strangely liberated. Does that make me a
complete crazy person? Maybe.
Well, either way, here’s to my 30’s. I really feel like I could wallow all night
about all the things I didn’t get to do, but I’m not going to do it. Life is an adventure, right? It’s not like I never did anything in my 30’s. I ran my first 5k, I did my first zombie
walk, had my last baby, saw two of my kids through high school, married Prince
Corey, had our first BobCon, did an ice bucket challenge, launched my Damsel in Defense business, saw my oldest turn 21, and I really feel like I got to finally grow into who I am.
You spend your childhood just surviving. You spend your 20’s trying to get as far away
from your childhood as you can and live and work as much and as irrationally as possible. You spend your 30’s learning
from your 20’s and fixing everything you screwed up, and boy, don’t we royally
screw up in our 20’s? Finally, you get
to spend your 40’s applying all of that knowledge and hard work.
That list of things I didn't get to do isn't a list of
things I didn't get to do! It’s a list
of things I get to do now!!
Here we go! This
decade is going to be the most adventurous yet, and I’m going to embrace every
second of it. TOWANDA!
This isn't the last you've heard from me....
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